Archive for the ‘guilt’ Category

guilt

Guilt has manifested itself throughout my weight loss process in so many ways.

I feel guilty when…

— I cheat on my eating.  This actually does not happen often, because after I eat something I shouldn’t eat, I don’t feel well, so it’s not worth cheating.  (After you haven’t had sugar for several months, and then you eat ice cream, the sugar high is akin to feeling drunk.  And it’s a bad kind of drunk, not a good one.)

— I spend extra money because of the weight loss process.  It simply costs more to buy healthy foods than it does to buy junk food.  (Question for the corporate food makers, who make a profit off Oreos but not off apples:  is this intentional?)  I’ve had to buy progressively smaller clothes, and I have a professional job, so I need to dress well.  Gym fees cost money, too.  So do nutritional supplements.  On the other hand, as my husband has pointed out, it’s better to spend money on getting *truly* healthy than it is to spend money on hospital visits.

— people get jealous and bitter with me because I’m losing weight and they’re not.  In many cases, they’re gaining weight while I’m losing it.  But, it’s not my fault they can’t put down the brownies.

— I take time to exercise, when I believe I should be working.  Since my job is quite demanding, I feel like I should be putting that time in at the office rather than at the gym.  It doesn’t help when people make pointed remarks like, “Well, I don’t have time to exercise.  I have work to do!”It just makes me feel so incredibly selfish for taking care of myself.  However, I think more clearly when I exercise, so my time actually spent working is therefore more productive.  Also, if I continue gaining my health back through exercise, I’ll lose less work time in the long run.

— my unusual (to most people) way of eating makes social situations awkward.  For example, last weekend, we visited my parents, and my mom wanted to get take-out fast food.  I insisted that I couldn’t eat that way, and I felt like she became irritated with me.  It is a similar situation when I turn down homemade desserts, etc., at family gatherings made by relatives with the best of intentions.  But, if they truly care about me and my health, they will respect my need to eat this way.

Losing weight is already enough of an uphill struggle… the last thing we need is guilt to compound the struggle.  I still have not worked through this part of it all.  What turns some of us into “people-pleasers”, anyway?  I think people-pleasing is at the heart of the problem.  Does anybody else have any thoughts on this?

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