guilt

Guilt has manifested itself throughout my weight loss process in so many ways.

I feel guilty when…

— I cheat on my eating.  This actually does not happen often, because after I eat something I shouldn’t eat, I don’t feel well, so it’s not worth cheating.  (After you haven’t had sugar for several months, and then you eat ice cream, the sugar high is akin to feeling drunk.  And it’s a bad kind of drunk, not a good one.)

— I spend extra money because of the weight loss process.  It simply costs more to buy healthy foods than it does to buy junk food.  (Question for the corporate food makers, who make a profit off Oreos but not off apples:  is this intentional?)  I’ve had to buy progressively smaller clothes, and I have a professional job, so I need to dress well.  Gym fees cost money, too.  So do nutritional supplements.  On the other hand, as my husband has pointed out, it’s better to spend money on getting *truly* healthy than it is to spend money on hospital visits.

— people get jealous and bitter with me because I’m losing weight and they’re not.  In many cases, they’re gaining weight while I’m losing it.  But, it’s not my fault they can’t put down the brownies.

— I take time to exercise, when I believe I should be working.  Since my job is quite demanding, I feel like I should be putting that time in at the office rather than at the gym.  It doesn’t help when people make pointed remarks like, “Well, I don’t have time to exercise.  I have work to do!”It just makes me feel so incredibly selfish for taking care of myself.  However, I think more clearly when I exercise, so my time actually spent working is therefore more productive.  Also, if I continue gaining my health back through exercise, I’ll lose less work time in the long run.

— my unusual (to most people) way of eating makes social situations awkward.  For example, last weekend, we visited my parents, and my mom wanted to get take-out fast food.  I insisted that I couldn’t eat that way, and I felt like she became irritated with me.  It is a similar situation when I turn down homemade desserts, etc., at family gatherings made by relatives with the best of intentions.  But, if they truly care about me and my health, they will respect my need to eat this way.

Losing weight is already enough of an uphill struggle… the last thing we need is guilt to compound the struggle.  I still have not worked through this part of it all.  What turns some of us into “people-pleasers”, anyway?  I think people-pleasing is at the heart of the problem.  Does anybody else have any thoughts on this?

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4 comments so far

  1. loseweightwithme on

    I think what turns us into people pleasers is our need for acceptance. We have trouble accepting ourselves as we are, so we turn to others looking for that acceptance.

    Great post.

    Brian

  2. southernfriedfatty on

    I can relate to every one of these. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, as the loser and the non loser. When it comes to people’s attitudes towards you and your new lifestyle, it may take some time for the people that have known you only as overweight and unhealthy to get used to the changes you are making. Change is hard for alot of people. I know I’ve been guilty of not wanting to spend time with a friend that has lost weight because it makes me feel guilty about my own bad habits As long as you keep a good attitude they will eventually see you as a role model and not a reminder of their shortcomings.
    As far as the desserts at family functions, it is easiest to fake an allergy until they quit trying to force things on you. I always tell them that I am allergic to chocolate, it makes my butt swell.

  3. dmrn0328 on

    “I always tell them that I am allergic to chocolate, it makes my butt swell.”

    — That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!

  4. svardell on

    Diane, Congratulations to you on your success and thanks for your honesty and generosity in sharing your story. You’re a wonderful example for us– on so many levels. Keep on!!! Sylvia


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